Never and Everyday

Have you ever taken the journey of separating yourself from everything in order to better yourself?, have you found yourself in this process? Never and every day....

We are different every day, so if you pay attention you’d find a new self daily.... but because we are different every day you may not find the best self you desire in this lifetime because you’d continuously want to keep bettering your self. 

What it’s important in the process for me is to know, fairly clear, who you are and what you want so your destination isn’t as uncertain, the reasoning behind is because separation is imminent and brutal and you might as well be ready to not look back. 

I'm definitively not expert in this topic, my ‘mindful’ journey started not long ago but I remember, back in time, being in a job I loved with a group of colleagues I still call my friends, I wanted more though, wanted to better myself professionally and financially and without truly thinking much I transitioned to a shitty company where I sat in a plastic chair for the good 8 weeks I lasted there. Separation from my friends was brutal but the thought of going backwards in my career rather than forward was frightening. I didn’t know what I was doing so I regretted it deeply, I was losing my friends, the job I loved and my uprising career, but because we are different every day and we learn from mistakes I landed in a much better place afterwards and didn’t lose much of my career, I moved forward.... 

Then, it was time to leave my country (insert sad emoji) I knew I wanted a better future that wouldn’t be possible there, separation from all I knew and all I loved was (and still is) brutal emotionally but there is not regret, I’m sure I wouldn’t have been able to come this far in my beloved country (tears). I knew what I was doing and fairly knew the consequences.

Some of you know already, the first several years here in the States were full of happiness and frustrations at the same time because I couldn’t work, separation from it was weird, it was what I knew as success in life. I didn’t know if I would be able to go back to that success I had and because it was so uncertain I struggled a lot. I became yoga teacher and re-invented myself and regret started diminishing... I would say I was for sure bettering myself just not fully aware of it.

Then, I got lost in my own journey of finding myself, nothing made sense, the life here in USA, yoga, unemployment, marriage....  and I decided to take a step back and focus inward: what do I need?, where do I want to be?, who am I?... with that came a lot of struggle, transitions and divorce. Quite frankly I wasn’t sure that’s what I wanted but I needed to find myself and my own purpose, that I knew for sure... so new separation process was imminent, I had to let go of something or everything and pay the toll in order to start fresh in this new ‘better self’ I found. At this point I don’t think I have to explain anymore how brutal separation is....but I found peace after the storm and a new ‘happiness’ perspective.

We don’t realize when we embark in this ‘betterment journey’ that we let go and leave behind a lot of things and people in the process, these would continue to change and evolve with life the moment we take off, so if you look back nothing is already the same and you may not longer belong there. Which can be confusing. But we keep moving forward bettering and finding ourselves.

Now the question is, Did I find myself in each of these situations above?, Never and everyday because I keep wanting to know more about myself and my full potential.... and keep finding my best self, of course. So the next question is do you ever stop bettering yourself? Never and everyday. 

The journey of betterment is a beautiful one but you can’t better every single aspect of your life all at once, so you may want to really find what you want and fragment your dreams into more attainable steps to minimize regrets, by taking one at the time, otherwise I believe, it may become a very lonely journey, confusing and frustrating.

The key, is to know (as well as you can in this present moment) what do you need, and to find the delicate balance between being happy with some of those steps you’ve taken and stick to that for a while, while keep working on bettering those other areas (pending steps) you don’t feel comfortable about.

You, then, may realize you don’t need to keep bettering a previous step and this instead becomes a ladder up towards your dreams... rather than a bunch of isolated steps going in different directions, does that make sense? 

It’s hard to explain but here is my best attempt: For example, if you love your job stick to it, while you keep working on "mindfulness" because you don’t feel connected with yourself, or (but not "and") "money" by preparing yourself better in some other skill set, or (but not "and") "love" if you feel you’re in the wrong place/relationship. I’m not saying you can't multitask but that you are mindful of the "separations" you’re creating for yourself because you have to be ready, then, to handle several separations, otherwise if overcast the journey. I rather deal with one separation at the time (maybe I'm just lazy)

What I'm saying is, You don’t have to quit all at once and start all over again, maybe if you chose what wisely to work on next it would be easier than ‘losing all’ to start over. That’s what I mean. Know what you want so you can find it and find yourself in it.

Create with little stacked steps, a ladder rather than scattered stepping stones. That’s how I see bettering myself: taking steps up rather than jumping around.

But as I said, Im not an expert, I’m just sharing my journey of taking little steps and stacking them in my ladder, some steps fall back out of place and it’s ok as long as I’m able to find a bridge to those steps out of place and in different direction. I work on bettering these 'rebel steps' till I can bring them back to stack in my ladder and keep moving forward and up towards my dreams.

Im sure once I get there I would ask my self, did you find yourself? Never and Everyday and would keep stacking steps on my ladder.